Its nice to dream about it for a while
Flirt with it
Hold it but for a moment
Pretend you will always have it…
Happiness -huh if only
A MUCH A DO ABOUT NOTHING REALLY LOL. Posts relating to me and my creative outlets (mainly poetry) and anything i feel to share from what i experience, think and feel from my life. Enjoy xxxx
Monday, 24 January 2011
Your sound creations
I’m reminded of my ability to smile
My smile instantly becomes a chuckle
Compelled by nothing but the backdrop of the sounds around me
Your sounds
I’m elevated onto a realm of blues, heightened by the aroma of sickly sweet pinks,
Invigorated by shocking yellows and mellowed by rays of orange
Your sound encompasses me
My dream like state puts a bounce in my flat pace
Helps forget my hardships through an interjection of soulful optimism
I stay
For a while makes me close my eyes, nod my head
I smile
My smile instantly becomes a chuckle
Compelled by nothing but the backdrop of the sounds around me
Your sounds
I’m elevated onto a realm of blues, heightened by the aroma of sickly sweet pinks,
Invigorated by shocking yellows and mellowed by rays of orange
Your sound encompasses me
My dream like state puts a bounce in my flat pace
Helps forget my hardships through an interjection of soulful optimism
I stay
For a while makes me close my eyes, nod my head
I smile
Mamma
Dear Mamma, I miss you
Dear Mamma, how are you ?
I often wonder where you are watching me from. I know you are because every now and then…not too often mind, I feel you. I almost smell you, almost feel the warmth of your embrace.
I generically miss you which is to be expected, but some days more than others. Today I miss you a lot. No reason in particular…or maybe because today I met a women (a funny woman) and she reminded me of you, how I remember you once were
How is it where you are?
I imagine a cold dark place at times…filled with the stench of nothingness…empty and rotting. Also a fearful place that consumes with an inner terrifying fear brought about by loneliness and regret. Wanting to touch wanting to hold…wanting to be touched and be held.
Mummy what’s it like?
Do you wonder about year after year searching for us ….or are you filled with joy, happiness and at last peace…a type we can only imagine?
Do you love? Are you loved? Is it green and lilac is it tranquil?
As much as I miss you I do not want to know for myself and do not want to join you…I hate that you are in a place I fear the most and so feel even more detached from you. I feel ridden with that guilt. You lay in the dark place of my mind….you lay in the cold empty place…..a place I would not like to see, however joyous and pleasant it may be. Maybe I need reassurance that its ok, ok to see you.
But I do miss you Mummy
Why didn’t I come by you ask? I don’t know why. Is it idleness? I tell or convince myself I don’t like the place but its because to visit you means I must confront my own mortality. Im scared.
I long for you dearly, but dont wish to be with you anytime soon. Give me a sign…let me know that you watch me from a pretty place…a warm place and pleasant place that novels were written of and love modelled on
Until someday...
your loving daughter xxxx
Dear Mamma, how are you ?
I often wonder where you are watching me from. I know you are because every now and then…not too often mind, I feel you. I almost smell you, almost feel the warmth of your embrace.
I generically miss you which is to be expected, but some days more than others. Today I miss you a lot. No reason in particular…or maybe because today I met a women (a funny woman) and she reminded me of you, how I remember you once were
How is it where you are?
I imagine a cold dark place at times…filled with the stench of nothingness…empty and rotting. Also a fearful place that consumes with an inner terrifying fear brought about by loneliness and regret. Wanting to touch wanting to hold…wanting to be touched and be held.
Mummy what’s it like?
Do you wonder about year after year searching for us ….or are you filled with joy, happiness and at last peace…a type we can only imagine?
Do you love? Are you loved? Is it green and lilac is it tranquil?
As much as I miss you I do not want to know for myself and do not want to join you…I hate that you are in a place I fear the most and so feel even more detached from you. I feel ridden with that guilt. You lay in the dark place of my mind….you lay in the cold empty place…..a place I would not like to see, however joyous and pleasant it may be. Maybe I need reassurance that its ok, ok to see you.
But I do miss you Mummy
Why didn’t I come by you ask? I don’t know why. Is it idleness? I tell or convince myself I don’t like the place but its because to visit you means I must confront my own mortality. Im scared.
I long for you dearly, but dont wish to be with you anytime soon. Give me a sign…let me know that you watch me from a pretty place…a warm place and pleasant place that novels were written of and love modelled on
Until someday...
your loving daughter xxxx
Exhale
As I simultaneously search your soul with the caressing of my hands and your body through my intuition
I seek one fragment one shed one utterance of desire, passion and lingering love from me to you
I am left unfulfilled.
The reality that I no longer hold you dear
That I no longer feel you
This new covenant causes my hands to frantically continue searching whilst my mind releases tears for a soul it once knew but is now lost to it
Not even your hardening from my touch causes my inner thigh’s to pound
nor the shaky meeting of our minds cause my heart to murmur
I feel we are empty, We are life less;
have less life, than when Romeo lay in the arm of his lover in their final resting place.
We are nothingness…..but still I continue to search until a flicker may reappear.
I seek one fragment one shed one utterance of desire, passion and lingering love from me to you
I am left unfulfilled.
The reality that I no longer hold you dear
That I no longer feel you
This new covenant causes my hands to frantically continue searching whilst my mind releases tears for a soul it once knew but is now lost to it
Not even your hardening from my touch causes my inner thigh’s to pound
nor the shaky meeting of our minds cause my heart to murmur
I feel we are empty, We are life less;
have less life, than when Romeo lay in the arm of his lover in their final resting place.
We are nothingness…..but still I continue to search until a flicker may reappear.
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Triggered by smell
Im triggered by smell
Cant you tell?
Fond memories
That lunch box smell, summery days in a play ground, carefree timees, innonce compeling us to wish or dream
Soggy biscuits and apples after a day playing, hot and stcky fingers and boy chasing
Im triggered by smell
Its hell
Dragged back to past encounters kicking and screaming
Memories that had been concealed, now opended by Pandora, creating armeggadon in my mind
Im triggered to meet my past
And connect with my grief, and after its over and gone I am satisfied
a sense of relief
im triggered by smell to write
flowery and light
or dark as night
whatever it produces, my nose seeks its muses
Cant you tell?
Fond memories
That lunch box smell, summery days in a play ground, carefree timees, innonce compeling us to wish or dream
Soggy biscuits and apples after a day playing, hot and stcky fingers and boy chasing
Im triggered by smell
Its hell
Dragged back to past encounters kicking and screaming
Memories that had been concealed, now opended by Pandora, creating armeggadon in my mind
Im triggered to meet my past
And connect with my grief, and after its over and gone I am satisfied
a sense of relief
im triggered by smell to write
flowery and light
or dark as night
whatever it produces, my nose seeks its muses
My first love
I often dreamt about him…became aware of his presence before I was aware of myself
Desiring to taste the sweetness of him, touch his innocence….to be touched to be shaped to be born into a surreal existence…a freedom within me only he could muster
I often dreamed of sneaking away to visit him…to be enticed by his larger than life energy to be captivated by his swagger
First time I met him… I was in luuurve. His skin of many shades, bright eyes held the wisdom of a legion of souls. Spoke so many languages…we connected on too many levels for a first time encounter. His forefathers travelled from many seas in so being we connected from past encounters and on the jagged hope of future meetings to come.
Transfixed by his aesthetics
His sweet taste lingered on the buds of my memory for a long time after I left him. This would be fuelled by constant reminders of him around me all the time.
I would replay his touch of his mind, the thrust of emotions I encountered. My happy place.
When I saw him again he seemed shorter and after a few minutes that surge of excited energy and sweaty palms had disappointedly flopped back to the pit of my stomach. Don’t get me wrong he was still as fine as hell and still had his swagger, But it was different. Or maybe after the years gone by I was different now. I found myself questioning if our first encounter did actually happened as id replayed it on countless times in my mind, or if I'd exaggerated it.
His approach with me was different too as if he was being cautious …but still just as intense. He took me to new places and I reached new heights…but I constantly compared them to our first encounter. It occurred to me I had to let go of yesterday and embrace now….my affection after all had not stopped…just different.
He introduced me to new friends…which in turn became my friends…bound by our connection….the love of this great man. I now saw him as venerable as he revealed himself to me… maybe it was there all along maybe I was just to infatuated with the ideal of him to see it. I saw him naked…his inner turmoil battling. I witnessed his grittier side, his uglier side…..but somehow I left him feeling a greater depth of emotion towards him; some may tag it as sympathy but I think its empathy…a shared understanding. This emotion surpassed his sexual energy, his chat, his ego. I felt that he was in my blood. I felt a tiny seed of something growing that would become sooo strong so unique …so beautiful
We stayed in touch a lot more this time. I no longer needed to dream of our encounter…they were played out through small talk deep into the early hours of the morning.
you see we are still so closely connected. Our embraces so much more intense because I was holding him…knowledgeable of all of him. When I looked at him I saw what I felt towards him. He had now become a part of me… I would remain loyal to him… regardless of the bad times my affection would and could never faultier
Yes I loved this great entity…
.
Even though at times I witnessed and encountered the harsher, rude even grittier side of him, I was very protective when others judged him. As I traced the emerging age lines on his face…I searched him…I knew him. Although knocked twice, to me he still stood tall.
…
This great man of a city… this Soul of a great city....this city was apart of me
Man I love N.Y.C
Desiring to taste the sweetness of him, touch his innocence….to be touched to be shaped to be born into a surreal existence…a freedom within me only he could muster
I often dreamed of sneaking away to visit him…to be enticed by his larger than life energy to be captivated by his swagger
First time I met him… I was in luuurve. His skin of many shades, bright eyes held the wisdom of a legion of souls. Spoke so many languages…we connected on too many levels for a first time encounter. His forefathers travelled from many seas in so being we connected from past encounters and on the jagged hope of future meetings to come.
Transfixed by his aesthetics
His sweet taste lingered on the buds of my memory for a long time after I left him. This would be fuelled by constant reminders of him around me all the time.
I would replay his touch of his mind, the thrust of emotions I encountered. My happy place.
When I saw him again he seemed shorter and after a few minutes that surge of excited energy and sweaty palms had disappointedly flopped back to the pit of my stomach. Don’t get me wrong he was still as fine as hell and still had his swagger, But it was different. Or maybe after the years gone by I was different now. I found myself questioning if our first encounter did actually happened as id replayed it on countless times in my mind, or if I'd exaggerated it.
His approach with me was different too as if he was being cautious …but still just as intense. He took me to new places and I reached new heights…but I constantly compared them to our first encounter. It occurred to me I had to let go of yesterday and embrace now….my affection after all had not stopped…just different.
He introduced me to new friends…which in turn became my friends…bound by our connection….the love of this great man. I now saw him as venerable as he revealed himself to me… maybe it was there all along maybe I was just to infatuated with the ideal of him to see it. I saw him naked…his inner turmoil battling. I witnessed his grittier side, his uglier side…..but somehow I left him feeling a greater depth of emotion towards him; some may tag it as sympathy but I think its empathy…a shared understanding. This emotion surpassed his sexual energy, his chat, his ego. I felt that he was in my blood. I felt a tiny seed of something growing that would become sooo strong so unique …so beautiful
We stayed in touch a lot more this time. I no longer needed to dream of our encounter…they were played out through small talk deep into the early hours of the morning.
you see we are still so closely connected. Our embraces so much more intense because I was holding him…knowledgeable of all of him. When I looked at him I saw what I felt towards him. He had now become a part of me… I would remain loyal to him… regardless of the bad times my affection would and could never faultier
Yes I loved this great entity…
.
Even though at times I witnessed and encountered the harsher, rude even grittier side of him, I was very protective when others judged him. As I traced the emerging age lines on his face…I searched him…I knew him. Although knocked twice, to me he still stood tall.
…
This great man of a city… this Soul of a great city....this city was apart of me
Man I love N.Y.C
Remembering
Water dripping, its rhythmic pattern intoxicating; exciting; echoing, creating an emptiness that consumes. Painting colours that remain imprinted on the eyes that see the mind. Swirling colours of Mojave and gentle toxic grey on a backdrop of nostalgia…..past days slipping away as each drip drops.
BLUES
SHE Is feeling the blues in her head…the steady pace and flow of rambling coherent words unsaid
Is feeling like she may sway like the reeds conjured by the un melodious jarring
Does not care if it does not make sense to you as it’s to feel an emotion not be understood…she is letting the music take over her hands……inspired of a greater intellectual creativity…
Decided as soon as she heard it she would put pen to it…images of a sun rising, a new dawn would cater encourage the flow so blocked by negativity , that Ironically was once welcomed creative prosperity
Swaying as she types…hmmmm tastes soooo good. Sweet with a hint of jasmine. Running in green fields being chased. Carefree and childlike. Her pen running to the rhythm of a …holiday, guided by Coltrane and soothed by Simone
Mmmmm is singing with her pen to the blues in her head…..a sound inspired by ancient drums of the words unsaid to those who should be listening, but a million soothing utterances to those who share its pain, its past. Procreating is her recreations as she is creating a sound…….
Satisfied she reads…..then leaves the mumbled jumbled hyped up blues on her paper…and leaves
Is feeling like she may sway like the reeds conjured by the un melodious jarring
Does not care if it does not make sense to you as it’s to feel an emotion not be understood…she is letting the music take over her hands……inspired of a greater intellectual creativity…
Decided as soon as she heard it she would put pen to it…images of a sun rising, a new dawn would cater encourage the flow so blocked by negativity , that Ironically was once welcomed creative prosperity
Swaying as she types…hmmmm tastes soooo good. Sweet with a hint of jasmine. Running in green fields being chased. Carefree and childlike. Her pen running to the rhythm of a …holiday, guided by Coltrane and soothed by Simone
Mmmmm is singing with her pen to the blues in her head…..a sound inspired by ancient drums of the words unsaid to those who should be listening, but a million soothing utterances to those who share its pain, its past. Procreating is her recreations as she is creating a sound…….
Satisfied she reads…..then leaves the mumbled jumbled hyped up blues on her paper…and leaves
SISTERS
My Alpha and Omega
You are my beginning to the end
Just to think of you brings are tears from the start
With you I am free; I embrace our childlike ways
With you my existence is one of serenity
We have al-ways been al-ways
Never thought my al-ways would move a-way
You are the epitome of strength and courage
Your tears are the love you give
Your smile is your patience
Your embrace is your vulnerability
Despite however many thousand miles apart; we are still the same 3, under the vastness of the skies, beneath the one that made us all come to be
You the other one, and me xxxxxxxxx
You are my beginning to the end
Just to think of you brings are tears from the start
With you I am free; I embrace our childlike ways
With you my existence is one of serenity
We have al-ways been al-ways
Never thought my al-ways would move a-way
You are the epitome of strength and courage
Your tears are the love you give
Your smile is your patience
Your embrace is your vulnerability
Despite however many thousand miles apart; we are still the same 3, under the vastness of the skies, beneath the one that made us all come to be
You the other one, and me xxxxxxxxx
- TYPE POETRY
I heart- type poetry
I heart poetry
I heart soulful poetry
The type that speaks to my soul, comforts my soul, cleanses my soul, recharges my soul - type poetry.
I heart the type that dances on my body like lustful fingertips, each tip moving to the rhythm echoed by -type poetry
Satisfying, yet always leaving your body with the lingering hunger for more -type poetry.
I heart letters that seem to become a grouping of words which make sense not to my mind but to my senses-type poetry
I heart poems that cause my hairs to stand, that imprints its DNA on my inner, which creates a pre-orgasmic state that instantly becomes post orgasmic with the clasping of hands and the understanding of a statement so simple yet profoundly effective- type poetry
I loves poetry’s anticipation
How its reflective prose can cause much contemplation
From Keats to Blake, Angelou or Hughes; poems about conflict or passion, or decaying moral values. Introspective attempts to answer fundamental philosophical queries- type poetry
Simply
I heart poems that make me heart poems-type poetry
I heart poetry
I heart soulful poetry
The type that speaks to my soul, comforts my soul, cleanses my soul, recharges my soul - type poetry.
I heart the type that dances on my body like lustful fingertips, each tip moving to the rhythm echoed by -type poetry
Satisfying, yet always leaving your body with the lingering hunger for more -type poetry.
I heart letters that seem to become a grouping of words which make sense not to my mind but to my senses-type poetry
I heart poems that cause my hairs to stand, that imprints its DNA on my inner, which creates a pre-orgasmic state that instantly becomes post orgasmic with the clasping of hands and the understanding of a statement so simple yet profoundly effective- type poetry
I loves poetry’s anticipation
How its reflective prose can cause much contemplation
From Keats to Blake, Angelou or Hughes; poems about conflict or passion, or decaying moral values. Introspective attempts to answer fundamental philosophical queries- type poetry
Simply
I heart poems that make me heart poems-type poetry
Lyrically
I’m an advocator of truth through my alter ego lyrical activist. My words are reactionary and necessary as they show you, yes you, you are far from ordinary
You come from many
Crushed and risen; risen, but still rising; raped yet forgiving, torn apart yet unified under one common factor,
Good old colonialism
I will try to share my thoughts, shaped on the angled hopes of many
To consume your guilt as greed has devoured you, digested and polluted you. Made you turn on your brother, compelled you to adhere to the coming world order. Become a lover of profit
We must stop it
We must try to stop it
You come from many
Crushed and risen; risen, but still rising; raped yet forgiving, torn apart yet unified under one common factor,
Good old colonialism
I will try to share my thoughts, shaped on the angled hopes of many
To consume your guilt as greed has devoured you, digested and polluted you. Made you turn on your brother, compelled you to adhere to the coming world order. Become a lover of profit
We must stop it
We must try to stop it
10 years on but not forgotten
10 years today that you took that final trip without us, That you ventured on that journey despite of having us.
10 years has made your vivid memory now blurred imagery; forcing my ears to hear and recognise your voice evoked by my mind, is now a necessity in my process to recreate your energy
10 years has softened the edges you tore and eased the relentless pain I had never experienced before.
Yes, it no longer feels like the nightmare of yesterday, but still 10 years on and my tears are triggered when I hear your favourite song. The craving for a mothers touch is just as strong, beyond death the bond between mother and daughter never broken, the urgency remains for words unsaid to be spoken
Ten years on my heart is still broken
Xxxxxxx
10 years has made your vivid memory now blurred imagery; forcing my ears to hear and recognise your voice evoked by my mind, is now a necessity in my process to recreate your energy
10 years has softened the edges you tore and eased the relentless pain I had never experienced before.
Yes, it no longer feels like the nightmare of yesterday, but still 10 years on and my tears are triggered when I hear your favourite song. The craving for a mothers touch is just as strong, beyond death the bond between mother and daughter never broken, the urgency remains for words unsaid to be spoken
Ten years on my heart is still broken
Xxxxxxx
Dreamer
Fellow Dreamer
If in you I find a deeper meaning
It's because we connect on levels that transcend logic,
I Bask in the comfort from merely feeling your feeling
We share hyperbolas dreams seen by most as sickly
Our thoughts are interwoven threaded veins running through the elements of human nature
our embraces last an eternity yet are always over too quickly
I steal flickers of my reflection through your eyes
I see I am free,
A child like euphoria filled with inner peace,
Overwhelmed by love and serenity
Your presence heightens my senses and I, exploring Adam, I, woman of Eve have never felt more alive and yet I can barely breath
flames of anxiety cease to burn with the calming trickle of your touch
As I allow myself to look into your eyes I am lost in the valleys where souls reveal themselves,
Naked and unashamedly dancing to melody of passion and love
In you I escape as you do me
In you I levy the restraints of the world and overcome gravity
In you I've found a kindred soul and believer
In you I have found my fellow Day-Dreamer
If in you I find a deeper meaning
It's because we connect on levels that transcend logic,
I Bask in the comfort from merely feeling your feeling
We share hyperbolas dreams seen by most as sickly
Our thoughts are interwoven threaded veins running through the elements of human nature
our embraces last an eternity yet are always over too quickly
I steal flickers of my reflection through your eyes
I see I am free,
A child like euphoria filled with inner peace,
Overwhelmed by love and serenity
Your presence heightens my senses and I, exploring Adam, I, woman of Eve have never felt more alive and yet I can barely breath
flames of anxiety cease to burn with the calming trickle of your touch
As I allow myself to look into your eyes I am lost in the valleys where souls reveal themselves,
Naked and unashamedly dancing to melody of passion and love
In you I escape as you do me
In you I levy the restraints of the world and overcome gravity
In you I've found a kindred soul and believer
In you I have found my fellow Day-Dreamer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)